As each of us started the New Year, I’m sure many were filled with the following:
WOW! I’m so glad 2016 is over with! Whether your addiction took complete control last year and you’ve been leveled by it, or you’re a family member who watched this occur with someone you deeply love.
Either way, this still leaves you baffled, wondering- how did so much time pass by, with nothing to show for, and death being so near? Well that’s just it- there is so much more than meets the eye to show for what you’ve been going through… It’s called life. And trust me, there’s a fresh start waiting that’s just hidden by all the darkness you’ve been fumbling through.
Although many may look back on the past year and see unmanageability, my wish is that somewhere in there, you see hope. Hope for a change. Hope for real life and not a life lived feeling like you’ve been in prison or purgatory, waiting for your time to come. That thought alone is too excruciating for many to even comprehend if they haven’t felt it for themselves.
Unfortunately, for those of us affected by addiction, in whatever capacity it may be, we are constantly riddled with fear. Even harder to understand is when we almost find ourselves being addicted to the disfunction this lifestyle breeds. The hope that once glimmered so brightly has started to lose its luster and fade slowly away into that all-encompassing darkness, the darkness filled with disease and constant disappointment. The hope that was once there is fading away into the veins, mouth, nose of an addict, fading into the darkness that now consumes their eyes. The hope that, “maybe they will get it this time” is now the 100th time of saying it, and nothing ever changes, and nothing ever changes, and NOTHING EVER CHANGES. The hope that is there is tucked away in the family denial of, ” Johnny couldn’t make it today because he’s home sick with the flu,” and is surely sick at home- dope sick that is. He’s writhing in pain at home in bed, unable to show up because he HAS TO get that fix. He needs it now. He can’t function without it. The hope that is there is what cringes in your heart saying it can be different when you, as a mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter, or addict say you can’t lie one more time to protect the secret, to protect the gnarly beast that has deadly hold on you or your loved one. The hope that is there when you as a loved one see that junkie passed out with a needle beside her bed, and you see your precious angel baby girl and not the junkie she has become, you see her for the real person she is beneath it all. That hope that exists when all of your money was spent on drugs and that incomprehensible demoralization you feel as an addict- that’s called a gift and a conscience, and it’s fading into the darkness. That hope that exists when you make a choice to follow the tiny glimmer of hope that is still left.
You see, when addiction takes over, it takes almost everything. But that hope that exists inside is one of the most incredible gifts that is so frequently missed due to what its coupled with. The promise for a better life is real. But the reality is that sobriety and recovery are just as tough some days as it is to see that tiny glimmer of hope amidst the sheer and utter destruction of addiction. It’s going to be a hell of a battle but an amazing one that is beyond worth it. It is time to stand up to the addiction and take ACTION to make a change. If you as the addict or loved one don’t take this action, the glimmer of hope will surely fade away forever. It is up to you to make the change. This year can be a year full of meaningful and fulfilling experiences. More then anything, this year can be filled with so much life. The desperation to get that fix for a drug, or the fix to cover up an addict’s behavior and disfunction will soon be replaced by recovery IF you take the action to make a change.
My suggestion for the New Year would be to grab onto that glimmer of hope and allow it to be the forefront of change. Remember what you are fighting for and the LIFE you are trying to change. There is so much more hope out there. There is so much life to live despite what addiction and dysfunction tell us. It can be extremely tough and painful while trying to initiate and follow through with these changes, but please just keep moving forward. The pain doesn’t last forever; it just takes some time to heal. This will not fix itself, and you cannot just “will it” or “wish it” to go away. The addict and family members who suffer will get worse; never better if help is not sought immediately. These glimmers of hope are your gifts, please take them and run with them. Even if no one else believes a change is necessary, you know that a life depends on it. Reach out for help before it’s too late. Reach out to find the freedom of recovery before the only thing you have left to hold onto are the memories of the glimmers of hope that you didn’t see in the moment. Remember that these glimmers can be the forefront of change, and if not, they will be the last memories of hope you had before addiction takes them all.
If you or someone you know need to be reminded of, or helped to see that glimmer of hope PLEASE call for help TODAY, RIGHT NOW.
May you each have a magical, life changing (for the better), hopeful and fulfilling year, filled with recovery and change in 2017!
