1.  They say that if you stay in a safe place for an elongated period of time that symptoms of PTSD will diminish.
That has been my experience here at Canyon Crossing.
A constant state of anxiety.
That’s what I was in
“It’s like there’s an elephant on my chest.”
That’s what I would say.
And it was like was a hummingbird’s heart lived inside of me.
Constant panic, fear.
Uncertainty
Will I have a panic attack today? Will I be able to breathe?
I had crippling anxiety.
Debilitatingly so.

But it’s not like that today.
Through being here, I would say I found peace. But truly, peace found me.
I didn’t expect it to come,
and now that it’s here, I can’t imagine it would leave.
Whereas, when I got here, I couldn’t sit with myself. Today, I feel good inside of me.
Today I am strong. I am healing.
I am lucky. I am blessed. 

I’ve gotten past surviving to where I can truly live. 

2. I’ve been in treatment for eleven months now. When I came in my fears were missing out on what’s going on with the people in my life and the unknown that comes along with being in a long term treatment center. My fears are still the same, but I have more acceptance around them now. Something that helps me a lot with my fear is my relationships with the women around me and the love that I share with them. It makes the time more enjoyable and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on life as much. 

3. At first I was absolutely terrified to come to a long term treatment center. I did not want to leave my life and my friends for this long. When I got here I was very scared and my first month went by so slow. I didn’t get comfortable because I didn’t plan on staying longer than 90 days. And now here I am 6 months later, calling this place my home, and the girls here family. Treatment is like a time warp. I’ve been here 6 months and it feels like I just got here. I still have fears sometimes about being here forever, but then I look at how short it is compared to the rest of my life and I know I’m doing the right thing. I can sit here and honestly say that if I wasn’t in a long term program I wouldn’t be sober. If you are willing to save your life then in my opinion you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish that, even if it’s a hard, long term, treatment program. 

4.  I never really had too many fears about long term treatment except for the fact that I knew I was going to have to really take a look at my past and be done with the life I was used to. I knew coming here meant that I was done for good with my destructive coping skills. And that was extremely terrifying. I knew I had to do something different. Short term treatment programs just didn’t work for me to get me back on my feet. If I wanted to make it, I had to really put in the time and work on things I didn’t want to look at. I had to give my brain the time it needed to balance out in a safe environment. Long term treatment has saved my life. That is a hard fact. I didn’t know how to leave short term treatment and survive in society afterwards. I now feel prepared and confident in my recovery. I am leaving no stone unturned when it comes to the reasons I did drugs. I had to dig deep and compost my entire soul. I can honestly say that I do not fear relapsing anymore or even have the desire to. I have learned to love myself and heal and grow here. I have learned to connect and be there for others and let them be there for me. I feel like a person again. A strong woman at that. Seven months ago, this was not the case. I have had the willingness the whole time, but long term support is what I needed to get up off my knees and on my own two feet. Life is not scary anymore and I have found peace and acceptance. I am so grateful and it has not been easy but was been worth it. I wish that every addict had this opportunity in the beginning of their fight to get clean. It is the best gift I have ever been given and I would strongly recommend it to anyone considering or in need of desperate help. It’s the best decision I ever made.